Deep Listening

This weekend there were two unusual visitors on the lake—a male Redhead and a male Greater Scaup. These ducks seem to have arrived together, and they have stayed together for the past two days now. I wonder how they chose this place, why they have made a temporary home here, and how they will choose their next place.

What is it that makes a place feel like home? A year ago I owned a lovely bungalow with so many windows throughout that each room was always full of light, even on cloudy days. Two of the walls in my writing room were filled with windows that opened out over the back yard so that I could hear the morning song of the song sparrow and the steady splash of water from the fountain in the koi pond. After writing for several hours, I embarked on my daily walk through the flower garden in the front. There was no front yard, per se. The front lawn had been replaced by a marble walkway that wound through an untamed perennial garden that the previous owners had planted. I developed a rhythm of home in that place—writing, working, and tending the garden. I moved out of one and into the next with an ease that felt like home. The garden provided a daily dose of sacred for me with the miracle of something new appearing at least once a week from March through October—daffodils, bearded iris, grape hyacinth, Asian lilies, four-o’clocks, poppies, roses, zinnias, tulips, sunflowers, and choreopsis. The garden turned every day into a mystical journey, and as I wound my way through, I recalled memory after memory of planting flowers with my mother as a child.

The house and garden were a dream come true, but as each day passed, my spirit spoke louder and louder that this was not my place. I knew in my heart that I would never feel at home in the city that surrounded my home. After two years, I sold the house and moved on in an attempt to find a larger sense of place and home. I still grieve the loss of that house and garden, but I know that it was time to let go. When something isn’t quite right, there’s a sense of freedom and expansiveness that comes with opening up to more of what we want in our worlds.

Listen deeply to yourself. Try writing about something that you know you need to let go. Write about how you imagine your life to be on the other side of the letting go.